How to have a Bad Research Career

David A. Patterson
Computer Science Division/EECS Department
University of California at Berkeley

The first-half of the talk is a tongue-in-cheek presentation of how to have a bad career in research, including:

  • Let Complexity be Your Guide (Confuse Thine Enemies)
  • Never be Proven Wrong
  • Use the Computer Scientific Method
  • Don't be Distracted by Comments of Others (Avoid Feedback)
  • and suggestions along similar lines about technology transfer, writing papers, and giving talks.

    The second half of the talk is advice on alternatives to a bad career. Given my background, this advice is aimed at having a bad career in computer systems while at a research university, although some parts may generalize. This advice is aimed at new faculty.

    This talk was given as part of the Academic Careers Workshop sponsored by the Computing Research Association on June 4, 1997 in Denver, Colorado.